Secret Identity Crisis

There’s a part of me in Paragon City, a part that most people don’t know. What’s killing me today is realizing that they never will. I have to give up hope that someday I’ll get to bond with my kids over a supergroup concept that we then get to see in action. Or that I’ll ever manage to convince my wife that the game has merits.

I haven’t even told her yet about the November 30 shutdown. It’s been a bit of a wedge in our marriage, to be brutally honest. She’s never approved of it; I’d even say she thinks less of me for playing it. And so I just never talk about it with her at all. To tell her it’s ending would just bring that difference between us into sharp focus. She doesn’t understand it, and has never really wanted to try; now she’d have even less reason to. And I expect she would react with thinly veiled satisfaction, which I would resent. (In fact I probably already am, unfairly enough.) So for now, I’m just not explaining (to anyone in meatspace, really) why I’ve been more sullen and/or easily frustrated lately.

AAAnyway. The post linked below really crystallizes why I’m so upset about the killing of City of Heroes. There is nothing out there that can fill the space it will leave behind.

On the End of a World:

Oh yeah, I have one of these LiveJournal things myself! :P

First off, Happy New Year to everyone. Thank you all for the holiday wishes, especially slfcllednowhere and violentfemmebot for the pleasant surprise snail mailings.

I blame City of Heroes for my recent LJ hiatus. The amount of leisure time I want to spend at the computer is finite, and that game has been hogging most of it for a while now. Writing a journal entry feels like work in comparison, so I’ve been slacking there. Hate to say it, but I told me so.

At first I was kind of disturbed by the fact that the game basically encourages profiling. You can reliably identify villains with a cursory glance, and you don’t need to worry about their civil rights or anything pesky like that. Simply loitering in the equivalent of gang colors is criminal enough for my big armored hero to come after you with his battle axe and “arrest” you (by which, in his case, they must mean “cardiac”) with no repercussions. But it obviously hasn’t bothered me enough that I don’t enjoy the game.

All of my other characters are much less violent than that, anyway. I’ll resist the urge to bore you with details about them, at least for now. But I will share one more observation: There are bus stops all over the city, but no buses ever come.