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I started at IBM on Monday. It’s quite the corporate behemoth, and a very different work environment than I’m used to. With the team that I’m on, though, the general feeling is kind of like being on a Federation starship: you’re part of something huge and fairly bureaucratic, but your immediate group is a bubble of relative autonomy. There’s an extremely collaborative atmosphere. Everyone’s been really helpful to me so far, while I’ve been acclimating. It’s a really good group of people.

I’ve enjoyed the work itself too. I think I like editing more than writing, as it turns out. I’m off to a modestly decent start, and everyone seems pretty pleased with my work so far.

It seems like everyone I meet there asks me, “Have you ever worked for IBM before?” I’m starting to see why that’s such a common question; they do some things in kind of peculiar (or at least special) ways. They rely very heavily on Lotus Notes, for example (which is probably not so unusual for a company this size, but I swear that island in The Odyssey didn’t use this much Lotus. But then, it is IBM’s product after all). I guess it’s a testament to their organizational consistency that “working for IBM” is its own skill set.

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I got a contract job at IBM. I’ll be on a team of editors working on their developerWorks site. I’m excited about it, I’m sure I’ll be learning a lot. I start next week.

In other news, my 15th high school reunion is coming up. I haven’t been in touch with anyone from my high school at all, pretty much since graduation. That’s mostly because I expect that a lot of these people probably still think of me as a doughy, spoiled, somewhat judgmental prude. And sure, I’ve probably just been mostly paranoid about it anyway, but it hasn’t been worth it to me to find out. To the extent that this opinion of me was based on anything real, I would feel embarrassed to be around these people, and to the extent that it wasn’t, I would feel indignant. Either way, it’s meant no class reunions for me, at least up to now. But when I look at myself and how much I’ve changed since high school, and realize that everyone I knew back then could very well have changed as much, that does make me kind of curious. I can’t go anyway because the timing is bad with the new job, but I do have the chance to get in touch with some old classmates, so I am. If I don’t even give them a chance, I’m the one who’s being unfair.

Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (the film)

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Stop what you’re doing and go see this movie right now. I’ll be here when you get back.

I’ve been a fan of Douglas Adams since about 1983, when I first read The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy in novel form. At one point, years ago, I could recite the radio series in its entirety from memory (before there was a Tertiary Phase :P), and I could probably still get through quite a bit of it today. This is my context; I am a fan. I adore the story and the way it’s told, even while recognizing that it hasn’t been told the same way twice in any two of its pan-media manifestations.

So it was an effort to keep my expectations in check when I went to see this film. But it rose to them with weightless ease. It was gorgeous and very entertaining. I suspect it might be a bit too anti-formulaic to achieve blockbuster popularity here in the States, with the narration breaking things up as it does. This is an essential part of its charm, though, and what makes it so faithful to the whole Hitchhiker’s œuvre. If you enjoy having your mind blown, you’ll love this movie. Plenty of brain food to gorge yourself on over multiple viewings.

Spoilers here (and not the kind that Lazlar Lyricon might put on a star buggy along with his infrapink lizard emblem). Even if you know the story already, beware. This means you, Lawrence. :)

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Well, it’s a good thing my LiveJournal isn’t a potted plant.

There’ve been some pretty major events since my last update:

  1. We had a second ultrasound and discovered that we’re having a boy. All his digits and such are accounted for, and developmentally he’s on target for his age. (I put a few scans here.)
  2. We flew out to Missouri for a few days to visit my family. We had lots of fun, especially with my little nephews. They also gave us a baby shower. Little by little the baby’s room is starting to take shape. We still have a lot to do, though.
  3. I got laid off. It was kind of a surprise, since it was unrelated to my job performance, but I think in the long run it’ll end up being good for me. I had been with the same company for kind of a long time by software industry standards. Now I’m interviewing again for the first time in eight and a half years, oh joy. I had been using their laptop as my main computer, so I was offline for a while getting my old one upgraded (then for another while, because we painted the little home office room).

Now we’re going to see a twilight showing of the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. The commercials on television have me salivating. I’m leaving all my fanboy expectations behind and giving it a clean slate. I expect I’ll have some things to say about it later.

Roxie

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When Roxie didn’t come home Tuesday evening, a thousand scenarios started bubbling to the surface of my mind. The least palatable among them involved a group of three dogs I had seen running loose that day. I had barely noticed them, really, and didn’t think much of it at the time, but that night after I had given up walking around the neighborhood calling out for Roxie, I remembered seeing them. Winnie had been in the backyard barking a lot, which is usually triggered by dogs that she sees in the apartment complex behind our lot. I had looked out the window and seen that she was barking at some dogs in a neighbor’s yard instead. I remember thinking it was unusual, but it didn’t occur to me at the time that they were dangerous. Our neighborhood is very quiet and it’s rare to see dogs roaming it freely; when I have, they’ve been lost and I’ve helped them get home, so that was my mindset.

As the night wore on, I wanted desperately to believe that there was some other explanation for Roxie’s absence. And really, it wasn’t necessarily any more likely than most of the others I was entertaining. I applied a kind of enforced optimism, as best I could.

But yesterday morning I found Roxie’s body in the same yard where I had seen those dogs. Her coat blends in well with the fallen leaves, so I only spotted her from about five feet away. She had been torn open. I broke down. For the rest of the day I was a complete wreck. I can’t remember the last time I sobbed so hard. Indescribable rage and grief.

The guilt is the worst part, though; I keep thinking about things I might have done differently. Going out to investigate those dogs when I saw them. Looking more closely at them. Thinking. Having a brain in my @&%$ing head. Not letting the cat outside in the first place. I don’t rationally believe that there was any way I could have known, but as I’m throwing blame around at the world I’m getting plenty of it on my hands.

The whole thing is just so stupid. She deserved so much better than to be killed by a fluke.

She was the most amazing cat. So full of energy, so happy with her routine and her little world. I love her so much. She was a big part of our lives, we talked to her and about her all the time. My heart is broken, and every time I turn around I see something that makes me think of her.

We buried her in our backyard, with some of the things she loved most. We’ve marked off her grave with bricks for now, because that’s what we had on hand. The house feels so empty.

I hope you can understand why I’ve made this entry comment-free. Dwelling on it isn’t going to help me. I don’t want to cry all day again. I don’t have words for it, and I don’t expect anyone else to either. I know I always feel so useless and inept when I try to say something comforting to a grieving friend. Please know that I feel your compassion already, and that it means a lot to me, even though I’m not allowing comments in here.